Long Road Traveled

Soo, I definitely did not start this blog to post up a stockpile of poems, but to be honest, I don't really know what else to post. I have no idea what it truly means to "blog". For you, that may mean revealing the events of your day, or the deepest darkest, sometimes intimate struggles/secrets of your life. As For me?...well this is how i express my feelings, my thoughts, my desires, and most of the time, my frustrations..This is life for me. So... As you ruffle through the poetic prose, sloppy illustrations and sometimes unclear analogies I post, I hope you walk away Inspired, intrigued, and well.... spurred on to dig deeper in your daily walk.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Am Worn

I wrote this at a really trying time in my walk with Christ. Found it in my journal recently and for some reason felt like it even describes me at this very moment. I've been so overwhelmed, exhausted, and pretty much frustrated with the idea of me. My unbelief ravages, and wars against the infinite grace that compels me to holiness. The only way I can think to describe it is to say that I am Torn. Hence this poem:


I AM WORN!!

Mayne, I'm at war with my flesh and its selfish ways, on consistent days, I'm living in regret!

I AM WEAK

Though i claim to be strong. I'm a wimp, a calloused pimp, with little substance in my song!

I AM STRONG

Yea! strong in my pride, not letting anyone through these walls of brokenness i try to hide

CAUSE I HAVE FAILED

I have failed to keep the pace; I've started walking, no longer running in this rocky narrow race.



I don't know about you, but I've been so fed up with my selfish, self-seeking heart. I act as if the world revolves around me, and I'm the... you know..stuff! lol...
...I find it hard to pray and come to God, because I feel unworthy. I find it impossible to confess my shortcomings to my brothers/sisters in Christ, because I'm soaked in my own pride. I put on a face and attempt to clean up my act, sweeping it under the rug as if I could hide anything from God. I have, yet again, loss sight of the all encompassing grace that has been freely given to me daily. Why does this happen? How? Im not sure...unbelief...self-adoration? who knows...All I know is that my constant prayer recently has been for Holiness. Not holiness that is gained by doing better and trying harder (..because I suck at that) , but holiness that derives from a heart redirected to and re-captivated by the grace that teaches us to say no to sin. (
Titus 2:11-12)

Lord, sanctify me. Purify me. Purify us!! Give us clean hands and a pure heart! Lord give me clean hands, and a heart that longs for nothing else but you!! This is my cry!

  ...There is this song, Refiner's Fire, that has been stuck in my head all week. It's sorta become my prayer recently. "Purify my heart Lord...Cleanse me from within, and make me holy..."

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