I Am Worn

I wrote this at a really trying time in my walk with Christ. Found it in my journal recently and for some reason felt like it even describes me at this very moment. I've been so overwhelmed, exhausted, and pretty much frustrated with the idea of me. My unbelief ravages, and wars against the infinite grace that compels me to holiness. The only way I can think to describe it is to say that I am Torn. Hence this poem:

I AM WORN!!

Mayne, I'm at war with my flesh and its selfish ways, on consistent days, I'm living in regret!

I AM WEAK

Though i claim to be strong. I'm a wimp, a calloused pimp, with little substance in my song!

I AM STRONG

Yea! strong in my pride, not letting anyone through these walls of brokenness i try to hide

CAUSE I HAVE FAILED

I have failed to keep the pace; I've started walking, no longer running in this rocky narrow race.

I don't know about you, but I've been so fed up with my selfish, self-seeking heart. I act as if the world revolves around me, and I'm the... you know..stuff! lol...
...I find it hard to pray and come to God, because I feel unworthy. I find it impossible to confess my shortcomings to my brothers/sisters in Christ, because I'm soaked in my own pride. I put on a face and attempt to clean up my act, sweeping it under the rug as if I could hide anything from God. I have, yet again, loss sight of the all encompassing grace that has been freely given to me daily. Why does this happen? How? Im not sure...unbelief...self-adoration? who knows...All I know is that my constant prayer recently has been for Holiness. Not holiness that is gained by doing better and trying harder (..because I suck at that) , but holiness that derives from a heart redirected to and re-captivated by the grace that teaches us to say no to sin. (Titus 2:11-12)

Lord, sanctify me. Purify me. Purify us!! Give us clean hands and a pure heart! Lord give me clean hands, and a heart that longs for nothing else but you!! This is my cry!

  ...There is this song, Refiner's Fire, that has been stuck in my head all week. It's sorta become my prayer recently. "Purify my heart Lord...Cleanse me from within, and make me holy..."

Take a listen: "Refiner's Fire"

The Refrain Moves Me To Gaze...How Beautiful

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

By: Helen H. Lemmel, 1922 

 

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free! 

 

Refrain:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!

His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

 

Twizzlers

So I went to Walmart yesterday to pick up some groceries. Specifically milk, cereal, Hotdogs, bread, and eggos(my revolving diet...lol.. :/). I'm starting to think that my being a college student for the last 4 years has ruined my establishment of healthy "Food Pyramid" inclusive diet. Triste Dia!
..Anyways, over the past few weeks I've made a conscious effort to avoid the candy aisle whenever I shop for groceries because of one particular product - Twizzlers. These Long, red, sometimes colorful, spirals of fructose and corn syrup have captured my taste buds and taxed my wallet on more than one occasion. But, if you ask me if I liked Twizzlers, I'd probably tell you no....Why? Because I Hate Twizzlers!!...lol.. I mean..I dislike them..I highly dislike them! I have legitimate reasons for it too.
First of all, twizzlers are only good for the first few seconds of chewing.... and second of all, they leave me with a strange aftertaste in my mouth that reminds me why hate them... until, of course, I eat another one and get that initial good feeling of being deliciously satisfied again. lol..Mmm mmm good! It's like a crazy spiral that I've found myself in.....mostly because, deep inside, I know I really don't like Twizzlers...I don't...I mean, they're probably not even good for me...but, every once in a while I'll stumble over to that candy ailse, buy a pack, and convince myselse otherwise. In fact, if the Twizzler bag was never ending, I would probably eat it all the time. then I would die..lol... because eating a never-ending bag of anything will kill you!

All that to say this. I've found my Twizzler addiction to be a shadow of my/our bent toward sin.  Here's what I mean...and its hard to explain, but I'll try my best to make sense of my day dreaming during my quiet time earlier. The more I understand the person and work of Jesus Christ, the more I am convinced that there is something deep inside of me that daily stirs up a detestation, a hatred, and a distaste for sin. I know, inherently, that this is not of myself, but that it derives from something...no.... someone greater than I >>>>>>>>The Holy Spirit (John 16:7-11). On the other hand, there is something...well...someone, that wars against the deep detestation against sin that prompts me daily>>>>>Me. ME. Me. mE. me. ME!! I find that, like my distaste for twizzlers, I have an active distaste for the sin I so often entertain. An yes, like the twizzler aisle I try to avoid that specific "aisle" of my life where I know I'm weak. But no matter what I do, or try, or ignore, my bent toward sin will never be overcome by my avoidance of it, or my trying harder not to engage in it...

....At least, that's not what I've concluded.....

I may be wrong, but I've recently gotten the picture that the things we do - the lying, cheating, murder, idolatry, sexual immorality, the lust, the pride, adultery...these things...all of these things are symptoms of the condition we were born into called sin. (Romans 5:12-20)
See, all my life i looked at my struggles and fought with those struggles, defeating them, only to find out that they would show up again and again. lol...Then I read the boook of Romans this summer and repeatedly got punched in the face by Pauls' adamant reminders of where our salvation, justification and sanctification were really found - In the person and work of Jesus Christ... In what He already did, not in what we can now do. I had always been taught to do more, and try harder to earn what was already given - grace, which in and of itself (if we understand the weight of it) leads us to repentance, shows us that we are justified, and in the end compels, leads, and instructs us into Holiness. Tullian Tchividian says it this way, "The only way to deal with remaining sin long-term is to develop a distaste for it in light of the glorious riches we already possess in Christ."

Soo ....how do I stop eating twizzlers?? Do I continue to run from em? ..I guess I can...for a while. Do I just avoid them?? I can do that too....for a while. Or do I develop an appetite for something greater? Something satisfying to the soul!

David says it best when he writes, "O taste and see that the Lord is good.." Psalm 34:8

hmmm...I guess my hope is that we, as believers, daily turn our eyes upon Jesus, looking full in His wonderful face...watching, as the things of this world grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Hope it makes sense. if not....that's cool too.  It's just my thoughts. Feel free to comment, criticize, or add too. Love you all

Selah

Craig Adderley

Golgotha

Veni Vidi vici…its to you Lord that we’re reaching. Are we meeting your request or is sin in our lives leeching. Should we stand up strong abreast or should we hide cause sin is breaching. Through the walls of our defense…Yes, our minds, and hearts are being played!

Made to believe that you never gave your only son to die on a cross for us so we could be saved. Media plays its own version of truth so we can then  crave the things of the world like jerry curlz and swim suite models all shaved.

See I’ve played…this game of life so filled with strife and disbelief. Till one day I found the truth of what someone had done for me. By some one I mean Jesus Mayne!…he died on the cross….after taking 30 lashes, a crown of thorns, and some haulk spit. And man those whips are nothing like what you would think. I talking whips with nails, glass, jagged edges, and links….. that pierced this innocent man’s body, who’s Godly in being was true……he died for every one who persecuted Him! he died for me and for you!

“So what’s the story?” You many ask.. What’s this talk bout the cross? Some man just gives his life for us and all of the sudden He’s the boss?  Don’t you get it he wasn’t man…he was God in the flesh….fulfilling prophecies that Isaiah’s book had long kept.

So yeah, I’ll take you to the day when they nailed Him to the cross…on Golgotha- the place of the skull- where many lives had been lost. He cried “Father please forgive them, for they do not know…what they are doing”…yet they still cursed him and spat at Him from below. And two prisoners hung on either side of this rugged cross.. where the son of God hung dying with a beaten down corpse. One of two cried out humbly “Would..Would you remember me whe..when you hit the gates of heaven into eternity… Jesus replied shortly saying, “ I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.” He was made brand new.

And with the hours winding down Jesus said his last words. “ Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani” was what everyone heard. “Into my hands I commit my spirit,” he cried out to the Father. The curtain of the temple split, an earthquake hit the ninth hour. It wasn’t long after then til’ His final breath came.  Look around and you will see that it was not all in vein. But still the truth has gotten foggy; and the significance lacks cause we weren’t there out in the crowd when they TORE UP HIS BACK.

…….so I say this……

Claim it truth, fact, or fiction; odyssey, mishap, religion; fantasy, witchcraft or fission, Christ has died and now He’s risen. Don’t get it twisted or confused. Don’t misconstrue what is the truth! This guy was God here in the flesh cleaning sins’ residue. And don’t turn blue cause you cant see what Christ has done for you and mE. Hit the books…his legacy is in the B.I.B.L.E. no fantasy; no tragedy; it’s not Macbeth man…It’s JC!!.

Just look around and you will see why your King died upon that tree.                  

– Luke 23  

In Love

I Am In Love...but this time I know it wont fail me.  
I am in love...I've been redeemed, I love the one that has saved me. 
I don't quite understand this Love..I've heard some say its amazing,  
But what really gets me about this love is that its wholly unchanging.

This love this love this love this love...my life its been rearranging; 
it's stretched, and pulled me out of comfort zones that I've let contain me. 
And when I fall or lose the strength to go, it somehow maintains me. 
This love convicts and sternly disciplines me; but never profanely.

Guess I'm in training...


Cause everyday He's explaining the truth about His Love,
The kind of love that's always unfailing.
The kind of love that you can bank on; the kind that's never constraining
Im thinking daily about this love, that I'm so often restraining!


Hmmm.....


Craig

I Will Arise

This is the song i sang this past weekend at crosspoint! Posting this for those interested in playing or sharing it!

The verse is Am Em G D

Chorus - G D Em C

Verse 1

Lord i know this road i travel on is narrow and rocky

I am torn apart because of sin, Im broken and needy

But even when my life is crashing downa and i am scarred; no one is around

I reach for you and You are always there

When my life is dry and filled with pain you fill my cup when you bring down the rain

Until i overflow with your love

Chorus

I will arise

And take on the day

And I will lift my hands and say that your the only way

I will arise, forgetting yesterday

For all my sin and all my shame have been washed away

By you....

Verse 2

Lord your grace is sufficient enough to cover every wrong mistake

Lord your face is all i long to see; so take me to that secret place

I'm tired of lies and insecurities

My anger, guilt, my pain, my jealousy

I want to be who you want me to be

Though in my circumstances i can't see

your outstretched hand reaching out to me

I'll walk by faith; I choose to believe

Where Am I Now?

WHERE AM I NOW, WHERE DO I GO, WHAT DO I DO? I'M DYING TO KNOW,

yOUV'E GIVEN ME HOPE, ABUNDANCE OF GRACE, YET SOMEHOW I'M LOST, NOT KNOWING MY PLACE,


bROKEN AND TORN, NEEDING A WORD, I'M SEEKING YOU DAILY, BUT STILL HAVEN'T HEARD,

sO WHAT DO I DO, WHERE DO I GO, WHERE AM I NOW, IM DYING TO KNOW?


hmmm..that's it

"Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit" 1 Thessalonians 5:17-19